THE SCENE: How do you move on with your life after everybody knows you as the guy who farted in front of the queen?
THE TEXT: This earl of Oxford [Edward de Vere], making of his low obeisance to queen Elizabeth, happened to let a fart, at which he was so abashed that he went to travel seven years. On his return the queen welcomed him home and said, “My lord, I had forgot the fart”.
– Brief Lives, John Aubrey, 17th Century AD
“One time at a tavern Sir Walter Raleigh beat him and sealed up his mouth (i.e. his upper and nether beard) with hard wax.” […]
“After every gentle shower, there exudes real, and as it were recent, blood, as though it were evidently proclaiming by this circumstance, that the voice of so much Christian gore still cries to the Lord from the ground, which hath opened her mouth, and drunk in that blood at the hands of Christian brethren.” […]
“Some prefer being at court to living in the country (though in the king’s service their labor is as burdensome, or more so) because, though they are of excellent kinship, they have little wealth and cannot engage in trade on account of their poverty.” […]
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