THE SCENE: How do you move on with your life after everybody knows you as the guy who farted in front of the queen?
THE TEXT: This earl of Oxford [Edward de Vere], making of his low obeisance to queen Elizabeth, happened to let a fart, at which he was so abashed that he went to travel seven years. On his return the queen welcomed him home and said, “My lord, I had forgot the fart”.
– Brief Lives, John Aubrey, 17th Century AD
“And as I was there about, a crow which belike was by nodding asleep on the chimney top, fell down into the chimney over my head, whose flittering in the fall made such a noise, that when I felt his feet upon my head I thought that the devil had been come indeed and seized upon me. And when I cast up my hand to save me and therewith touched him, he called me knave in his language after such a sort that I swooned for fear.” […]
“The highlanders and people of the islands, on the other hand, are a savage an untamed nation, rude and independent, ease-loving, of a docile and warm disposition, comely in person, but unsightly in dress, and hostile to the English people and language.” […]
“They alighted out of the coach, and went into a woman woman’s house at the bottom of Highgate Hill, and bought a hen, and make the woman exenterate [disembowel] it, and then stuff the body with snow.” […]
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