THE SCENE: Trying to cover up for the absence of a colleague, a bumbling priest badly disrupts the proceedings and embarrasses himself at a church service attended by Charlemagne himself.
THE TEXT: There was a certain cleric in the royal retinue, who was poor and low spirited and not adequately trained in the study of letters. The most pious Charles, taking pity on his poverty, even though everyone hated him and wanted to drive him away, could never be persuaded to drive him away or remove him from his retinue.
It was the custom that on the day before the master of choir arrange with everyone which “reponsory” they were to sing. But since [a recently elevated bishop] was absent there was a long silence and everyone said that they should chant their own responsory. At last the emperor said: “Let someone sing.”
Then, that downcast monk was strengthened by the will of God and encouraged by the authority he sang the responsory. Soon the most kind king, thinking that he did not know how to sing it all, ordered them to help him. When the others sang and the wretched man could not learn the verse from anyone, having sung the responsory he began to chant the Lord’s Prayer in an elaborate way. All the others wanted to stop him, but the most wise Charles, wanting to find out how far he would go, forbade anyone to trouble him. He finished the verse with these words, “Adveniat regnum tuum” [Thy kingdom come], and whether they wanted to or not they were compelled to response “Fiat voluntas tua” [Thy will be done].
When the early Lauds were finished, the king went back to his palace, or rather his bedroom, to arm himself and equip himself in honour of such a great feast-day. He ordered that singer to come into his presence. “Who told you to chant that responsory?” he asked. “Sire, you ordered someone to sing,” said the [singer], terrified. “Well,” said the king, “who showed you that verse?” Then the poor creature, inspired as it is thought by God, spoke as follows: “Blessed lord, and beneficent king, as I could not find out the right verse from anyone, I thought that I should incur the anger of your majesty if I introduced anything strange. So I determined to intone something of which the last words usually come at the end of the responsories.”
Then the most moderate emperor, smiling at him, announced in the presence of his nobles: “That [bishop who missed the responsory], by God’s judgement and my own must lose his bishopric and you [the singer] must administer it as God’s gift with my approval according to the canonical and apostolic rule.”
– Gesta Karoli, Notker the Stammerer, 9th Century AD
