Orient

Medieval Magic C-Section

“on’t watch as the sorcerer begins his incantations to bring out this lion from within her body: he will cut open the cypress’s belly, and she will feel no pain. Then, driving all fear and anxiety from your heart, you must sew up the wound where the sorcerer cut her.” […]

Greek and Roman

Full Transparency in Medical Matters

“Realizing that the invalid would be unable to withstand the pain unless he were doped beforehand, the doctor issued a special prescription providing for the distillation of a certain liquid which he intended to administer to the patient in order to put him to sleep for as long as the pain and the operation where likely to last.” […]

Greek and Roman

On the Topic of Opium

“For my own part, however, I do not approve of opium entering into the composition of eye-salves, and still less of the preparations from it known as febrifuges, digestives, and cœliacs: the black poppy, however, is very generally prescribed, in wine, for cœliac affections.” […]

Human Affairs

Never in a Goat’s Eye

The patient felt no pain; but added, “I wish you would hasten to restore my eyes.” The operator cheerfully complied; but as he prepared his implements, a crow entered by an open window, and, seeing the eyes upon the table, snatched one of them up, and flew away with it.” […]

Greek and Roman

Everyone Hates Toads

“The serpent glided towards him, and applying its tongue to the wound, sucked up the poison till its mouth was quite full; and then, hastening to the door, cast it out. It returned twice to the wound, and did as before, until the venom was exhausted.” […]

Humor

Blowing Smoke

“Hearing these words, the old man bent over flat on his belly on the ass in front of Jafar, in sign of gratitude and respect, and suddenly let a detestable fart.” […]

Britons and Celts

A Dirty Rotten Prank

“He took a lozenge, put it in his mouth, and chewed it apace, by means whereof when the fume ascended he began to spattle and spit, saying by Gods bones it is a Cat’s turd.” […]

Human Affairs

#BeggarHacks

“Speaking of the good there was in my blind man, your Honour must know that since God created the world He has not made a being more astute and sagacious.” […]