THE SCENE: The problem with being a very good emperor – and most sources agree that Hadrian was – is that no one will help you kill yourself, even when you’re suffering the worst effects of disease.
THE TEXT: Hadrian, afflicted by the most wretched health, adopted Arrius Antoninus, who was afterwards called Pius; and in the same law laid down that Antoninus should adopt two sons, Annius Verus and Marcus Antoninus.
Hadrian, however, now move with extreme disgust for life, ordered a slave to stab him with a sword. When this was known and had come to the attention of Antoninus, he, as Hadrian son, and the prefects, went into Hadrian and begged him to endure the necessity of the disease with equanimity; Antoninus told him that he would be a parricide if, having himself been adopted, he allowed him to be killed. Hadrian was angered by them and ordered the person responsible for informing them to be killed (he was however saved by Antoninus). He had once wrote his will; however he did not lay aside the business of the Republic. After making his will he did in fact attempt to kill himself again; when the dagger was taken from him he became more violent. He sought poison from a doctor, who killed himself to avoid giving it.
At that time a certain woman arrived who said she had been warned in a dream to recommend Hadrian not to kill himself, because he was going to have good health; and that because she had not done this she had gone blind. However, she said, she had been ordered again to say the same thing to Hadrian and to kiss his knees; And she was to recover her site if she did this. When she had done this in accordance with the dream, she did recover her eyesight, after washing her eyes with water from the sanctuary from which she had come. There are also came from Pannonia a certain man to the fevered Hadrian, and touched him, whereupon the man recovered his eyesight and the fever left Hadrian.
– The Augustan History, Aelius Spartianus, 4th Century AD
