“But when he learnt what was their errand, and that they wanted to estimate his strength, he had them taken through all the tents, and shewed the whole host to them. Then he used them exceeding well, gave them abundantly to eat and drink, and let them go without injury or molestation.” […]
“He took a lozenge, put it in his mouth, and chewed it apace, by means whereof when the fume ascended he began to spattle and spit, saying by Gods bones it is a Cat’s turd.” […]
“He shattered skulls, arms, shoulder-blades and even legs, causing the greatest possible terror, and before he left the spot he had killed seventy men with the stake which he held.” […]
“With hard steel clubs they clattered at helmets,
Crushing down crests and crashing through brains,
Slaying infantry and armored horses,
Chopping down chevaliers on chalk-white chargers.” […]
“But they in vain to break it did essay,
Till Wallace fretting at the long delay,
Came on himself, and with a furious shock,
The bar and staple all in flinders broke.” […]
On his return the queen welcomed him home and said, “My lord, I had forgot the fart”. […]
“I have heard tell that the night before the day of battle, the English were very merry, laughing much and enjoying themselves. All night they ate and drank, and never lay down on their beds.” […]
“My mouth and my nose purged exceedingly, such yellow, white and tawny fluids as I never saw before, nor thought that any such had been in man’s body. ” […]
“There emerged two Dragons, one white, one red. As soon as they were near enough to each other, they fought bitterly, breathing out fire as they panted.” […]
“I have named a noble knight to act as your guardian,
Overlord of England, answerable to you only,
And that person is Sir Mordred, whom you have praised repeatedly
A deputy, my dear, to attend your every desire.” […]
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