THE SCENE: Make way for the king-killing murder machine known as Bevis of Hampton.
THE TEXT: Bevis leapt into the saddle at once and led his contingent away, with their gleaming shields and bright banners, three thousand and fifteen men in total.
Bevis found himself receiving immediate attention from King Bradmond’s forces. King Radsone, who was as shaggy as a sheep, was King Bradmond’s standard-bearer. Bevis spurred Arundel with golden spurs and Arundel knew exactly what to do. Bevis impaled King Radstone through the chest with his spear. Shield, chainmail and leather were no more use to him than a button! He fell dead to the ground.
‘Get some sleep down there, you heathen hound!’ cried Bevis. ‘You would have been better off staying at home than coming here.’ Then he laid into the enemy with ferocity and courage, and killed Saracens like a frenzied madman. Sir Bevis killed as many in that fight as the rest of his comrades put together. He swung the sword Morglay without rest until the sun began to set.
Bevis and his contingent killed sixty-thousand that day; they had all come from Damascus, but they never returned home. When Bradmond saw that his army had been cut to pieces, he fled the battlefield with what forces he had left.
– Sir Bevis of Hampton, 13th Century AD
