THE SCENE: The emperor Geta is most famous for being murdered by his co-emperor – and brother – Caracalla. However, if this anecdote about his social life is true, he may have been too adorable to live in this world anyways.
THE TEXT: He made a habit of propounding problems to grammarians, asking them to say what sounds different animals make, for example: lambs bleat, pigs grunt, doves coo, bears growl, lions roar, leopards snarl, elephants trumpet, frogs croak, horses neigh, bulls bellow – and he would confirm these from old writers. He also had the custom of ordering banquets, and especially dinners, according to single letters, with the help of knowledgeable slaves: for instance at one there was goose, gammon, gadwell, or again, pullet, partridge, peacock, pork, poisson, pig’s trotters and other kinds of food beginning with this letter; or again, pheasant, farina, fig, and so on. For this reason he was regarded as a good companion.
– The Augustan History, Aelius Spartianus, 4th Century AD
