THE SCENE: At the court of James IV of Scotland, two master poets (Dunbar and Kennedy) brought down the house by taking turns roasting each other in the most vulgar – and poetic – terms.
THE TEXT: – Said Dunbar Regarding Kennedy –
Gray-visaged gallows-bird,
out of your wits gone wild,
Loathsome and lousy, as wet as a cress,
Since you with worship would so fain be styled,
Hail, Monsignor! Your balls droop below your dress.
Naked capon, fed and bred
against a bitch’s side,
And like a mongrel, criminal, no man sets aught by you.
Cunt-bit, sorry shit, worthless git, hardened hide,
Wasted wether, tawdry tether, evil adder: I defy you.
Maggoty mutton, gorged
glutton, scurrilous certain heir to Hillhouse,
Rank beggar, oyster-dredger, dismal debtor on the lawn,
Lily-livered, soul-shivered, cheap as slivers in the millhouse,
Bard baiter, thief of nature, false traitor, devil’s spawn,
Melted wax, heckled flax, by these attacks you are defeated;
Sheep driver, lobster diver, nag lover, may earth expel you:
Heretic, lunatic, pickpocket, your fortune is cheated;
Bloody bitch, muddy ditch, quail, cock, or I shall quell you.
– Said Kennedy of Dunbar –
Wild werewolf, worm, and
venomous scorpion,
Damned devil’s son, despicable dragon;
Hie, Sovereign Lord; let not this sinful sot
Work shame or blame upon your nation!
Let none such as he be graced as a Scot,
The lousy git, worm-ridden shit, ill infestation.
Remove from honest folk this loathed vermin
To some desert, in which no one will care
How he fouls, soils, and sullies the air;
Carry off this cankered, corrupt carrion.
No hold for honor, a halter at your hips;
Scarcely shriven, stunted, of cleanliness stripped,
A shit without wit, only cheap tawdry tricks.
– The Flyting of Dunbar and Kennedy, 17th Century AD
