THE SCENE: This guy has like a dozen wives, so nobody needs to feel too bad that his favorite wife is definitely stepping out behind his back. Or that his advisor is helping her get away with it.
THE TEXT: It is related that the Commander of the Faithful, Harun al- Rashid, went to rest one noon in the bed- chamber of his queen, Zubaidah, and was stretching himself on the bed when he noticed in the middle of it a large and quite fresh stain, concerning the origin of which there could be no mistake. The world darkened before his eyes; tottering with indignation, he sought out Zubaidah and, with eyes on fire and trembling beard, cried out to her; “What is this stain on our bed?” The queen bent her head over the stain and snilfed it, saying: “It is man’s semen, O Commander of the Faithful.” Holding back his wrath with difficulty, the Khalifah demanded: “And can you explain the presence of such stuff, still quite warm, upon the bed where I have not lain with you for more than a week?” “Faith be upon me and about me, Prince of Believers!” cried Zubaidah in great emotion. “Can you possibly suspect me of fornication?” “I so suspect you,” said al-RashId, “that I am going to send for the kadi, Abu Yusuf, to give an expert opinion on the stain , and by the honour of my ancestors, O daughter of my uncle, I shall stick at nothing if the kadi says that you are guilty!”
When the kadi arrived, al-Rashid said to him; “O Abu Yusuf, tell me what this stain may be?” The kadi went up to the bed, placed his finger in the middle of the stain, carried it to his eye and his nose, and then said; “Commander of the Faithful, it is a man’s semen.”
“And the immediate origin of it?” asked the Khalifah. Now here the kadi was placed in a very awkward position. Being unwilling to bring down upon himself the enmity of Zubaidah, he cast up his eyes to the ceiling, as if in reflection, in order to gain time and, in doing so, saw the wing of a bat extruding from a hole in which it was sleeping. With a sudden inspiration, he said: “Give me a lance, O Prince of Believers.” The Khalifah handed him a lance, and Abu Yusuf at once stabbed the bat so that it fell heavily to the floor. Then he said; “Commander of the Faithful, the books of medicine teach us that the bat’s semen closely resembles that of a man. The mess was certainly made by this bat while he looked upon the lady Zubaidah in her sleep. You see that I have punished his temerity with death.”
This explanation entirely satisfied the Khalifah who, being reassured as to the innocence of his wife, gratefully loaded the kadi with gifts.
– One Thousand and One Arabian Nights, 15th Century AD
