THE SCENE: This vulgar French poem turns on a young man’s misconception that he can smell the virginity leaving his young wife’s body.
THE TEXT:
When Walter went a-marryin’,
The girl he wedded, Marion
Was still a virgin, so she said,
And loved him, too. That night in bed
They lay behind the draperies.
Walter on top and she beneath,
Dick pressed to cunt, the couple joins,
And Marion wobbles her lions.
Walter steadies himself and butts
In almost burying his nuts,
And with such vigor plays his part
That from her ass comes a large fart.
When Walter heard her fart resound,
“God save me woman, I have found
Out certainly,” he said, “and I
Can tell that what you swore was a lie,
Because a virgin you were not.”
She answers him upon the spot:
“I was one until recently,
And you’re treating me nastily,
And it’s outrageous, what you said.
Did you not take my maidenhead?
It ran out when you shoved that way,
And you basely drove it away.”
“By the Lords heart,” he says, “it smelled!
I’m sorry that it was expelled.
It’s fine in cunts somewhere or other,
But one-fourth of it would quite smother
Me. Where it lodged, it should have stayed.
So I pray God to damn the maid
Who won’t surrender what she’s got
For so long that it starts to rot.”
– Walter and Marion, 13th Century AD
