To The Lazy Goes the Spoils

THE SCENE: In this ambiguous parable, a king bequeaths his kingdom to whichever of his sons can claim to be the laziest.

THE TEXT: The Emperor Pliny had three sons, to whom he was extremely indulgent. He wished to dispose of his kingdom, and calling the three into his presence, spoke thus: “The most slothful of you shall reign after my decease.” “Then,” answered the elder, “the kingdom must be mine; for I am so lazy, that sitting once by the fire, I burnt my legs, because I was too indolent to withdraw them.” The second son observed, “The kingdom should properly be mine, for if I had a rope round my neck, and held a sword in my hand, my idleness is such, that I should not put forth my hand to cut the rope.” ” But I,” said the third son, “ought to be preferred to you both; for I outdo both in indolence. While I lay upon my bed, water dropped from above upon my eyes; and though, from the nature of the water, I was in danger of becoming blind, I neither could nor would turn my head ever so little to the right hand or to the left.” The emperor hearing this, bequeathed the kingdom to him, thinking him the laziest of the three.

– Gesta Romanorum, 13th Century AD

[Image Credit: The Favorites of the Emperor Honorius by John William Waterhouse]